party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
