I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
