mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
