he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
