So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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