You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
