direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
