how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
