dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
