he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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