i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
