He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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