Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
