Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't deserve a penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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