we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
