I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just tell him i said nine months
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
