At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
