If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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