You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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