Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You ruined the universe
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