You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
