I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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