There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize