I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
