I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bring money and cleavage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
