last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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