Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize