I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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