I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
