Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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