Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize