I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
