ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
