I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's get the cat blown out
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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