I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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