glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
