I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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