you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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