The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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