I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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