So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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