I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
