worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
