Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
