When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
