I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
