My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
