some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
