I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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