I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
