hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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