it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
