happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
