I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
