I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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