BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
