I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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