Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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