fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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