you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
