I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize