I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
