I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
