Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
