His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
