I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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