i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
