enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
