Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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