do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
