24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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