they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
