pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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